Vogue Italia august 2009

People se me as a person who's very uptight and controlled at daytime, but who always loses it when partying. You could say that, I guess, but the truth is I never lose control. When I lose it, it's according to plan. The plan is always there, erhm, kind of. When I pour a drink over your head or sleep with your girlfriend, it's beacuse you deserve it, one way or another.

weekends

Totally epic wekeend. Woke up this morning on the toilet floor with my face against the cold toilet seat. At the moment I was very happy that I'd managed to throw up in the toilet this time. Took a shower, kissed Claudia on the cheek on the way out and then went to school. Love my life.

Swim

So here I am swaying, already. Too early too be drunk really. Feeling kinda genereous towards myself though... Me and mommy had a little mother/daughter/cocktail- moment. Vodka tonic and Gin fizz. Just mummy and me. Too bad she suddenly felt like being honest.

– Your father doesn't love me...
– Mummy, this is an entirely philosophical question. What is love, really?
– But he doesn't love me, he never has.
– The thing is...well, can he love anyone?
– (...)
– Do you want another drink, hun? I'll go get you one.

Rain on wet roofs

The rain last night made it hard to sleep. Couldn't stop thinking about soft hands, wet lips, hard limbs, blah blah.

I'm in school now, sorry for being 14 years old but can't wait til I get out of here. Too much losers.

Gold Dust Women

This last weekend makes me wanna put myself in the washing machine, tumble around for an hour, get out, smell like newly washed sheets.

You know the feeling of being at a party where all the guys love you and all the girls hate you? Happens to me all the time.

Sunday

Stumble with the flow. Everything spins kinda fast right now.

Just got home. Couldn't stop thinking abut my philosophy paper. Can you imagine that!?

R.I.P

R.I.P Irving Penn.I always wanted to look like the women in your pictures- feminine in a way that every woman knows is impossible, but still wants to be like.

AWE

Dear absurd, megalomanic shoes, I want to make love to you/ make love wearing you. Put me on the waiting list for these pls. Alexander McQueen Spring 2010.

Dear Old Jean-Francois Lyotard

"(...) an 'incredulity towards meta-narratives'. These meta-narratives - sometimes 'grand narratives' - are grand, large-scale theories and philosophies of the world, such as the progress of history, the knowability of everything by science, and the possibility of absolute freedom. Lyotard argues that we have ceased to believe that narratives of this kind are adequate to represent and contain us all. We have become alert to difference, diversity, the incompatibility of our aspirations, beliefs and desires (...)"

Stoneface

Oh my, I should be in school now, shouldn't I? But here I am, on the coach, obsessing over Buster Keaton and his iconic stoneface. Claudia(mexican housemaid, substitute for mother) is making scrambled eggs for me. The only kind of breakfast I've had since I was 9. Scrambled eggs and herb tea. Blood on the sheets. Such a fabulous morning.

blah-main

I used to be a Balmain fan. But the new collection is just trashy. Guess it's perfect for anyone who wants to look like Emmanuelle Alt, ha ha. I liked the dress on the pic posted above though.

God, gotta sleep now... Insomnia is fashionable I know, but it's still no fun.

s-m-i-l-e

I was a child that smiled. I was the smiling daughter of two loving parents. I smiled and I smiled until my gums bled. That wasn't something my parents told me to do. I just knew that everyone expected it. And I knew that I'd gain from it.

Now I don't smile as much as I used to. Been there, done that-kinda thing. But when I do, it's with a purpose. Because I know, as I knew then, that a smile is a kind of currency. You smile- you get something back. Do I sound like a terrible person?